I feel like the random feature on my iPod isn't so random when it comes to my life. This morning, I got off the rain and headed for work and Bob Marley and the Wailers' "Is This Love" started to play. I was so caught off guard, that I stood at the crosswalk for a minute, even as the blinker signaled that it was cool for me to cross the street.
Today marks what would've been me and my ex's one year anniversary. "Is This Love" was one of our top 3 songs. I'm not angry or bitter. Just a little sad because that one song brought back so many memories. I can't fake and say that I don't miss him because I do. On the flip, I'm glad things worked out the way that they did.
When we first met, I was an average, 9-5 come home and chill kind of girl. Months later, I evolved into a focused writer and entrepreneur. Before, I had all the time in the world and, out of nowhere, I needed space so I could write in peace. My schedule wasn't so open, I wasn't as available, and that put a strain on our relationship. I was so determined to do something with my life. I was tired of getting paid a portion of what I was worth. I was tired of the same shit, different day mentality.
My ex wasn't so open to change and, again, that ultimately destroyed the relationship. I don't say this to blast him or talk shit. I still care for him a lot and wish that I could talk to him every now and then without the animosity.
Being an artist is a crazy thing becuase you become consumed in your work. I used to lock myself in my room for 8-12 hours every weekend and work on my book non-stop. I would get lost in the moment, completely oblivious of the time. I loved (and still love) being in my own world, crafting characters and situations. As an artist, that shit is awesome, as a partner in a relationship, it's not cool at all. After this experience, I do know that I won't be in a "relationship" for the next two years at least. I'm too involved in my own world. I can barely date now because I don't return calls, and see nothing wrong with going weeks without contact. It's nothing personal directed towards the other person, I'm just on my grind. I'm not only a novelist, I'm an entrepreneur (Transcend. is about to take DMV over!), a screenwriter, an aspiring actress and dancer, a songwriter and singer, and I'm going to start bass lessons in a few months. Whew, I have a lot going on!
My projects are my boo now. I can always get married at 35 and have a kid or two by 40, Lord willing. I can't fake, I miss the companionship but eff that, I have so much to do...lol I feel like Will Ferrell in Step Brothers. Now that I'm free, I can do so many activities lol
I'm off to kick it with the fam this Labor Day weekend.
Happy Birthday Loren and Stacey!
